Why I'll never work for Bill Gates

Now I consider myself to possess some technical savvy and know how. There isn’t a computer anywhere that I have a problem literally pulling the plug on if it starts misbehaving. That is the cure for anything in my book. Computer not responding…unplug it. Starts making weird noises unplug it. None of the disk readers work, turn off and unplug. That seems to cure a lot of what ails these electronics. However, today I was truly stumped.

Recently I have changed cell phones. My husband is lending me his for the next year since he got one from work and no longer needs a personal one for now. So, this is a phone I have by default. It isn’t one that I eyed and pined for (unlike my husband did for this beloved phone), so there is no personal bond. (I loved my old phone but that’s another story) This phone has a split, split, split personality. You can work it by tapping on the screen with your finger. If that doesn’t interest you, you can use this fancy stylus thingy. Finally, if you prefer not to peck, you can slide it open and type on the handy dandy keyboard. Good grief the thing drives me insane. I have a hard enough time picking out my clothes for the day. Now every day I also must decide in which mode I prefer to use my phone!

So back to today. While I was in another room I hear it ring and then buzz to let me know there were 15 emails that needed to be checked. Only one problem arises, IT NEVER STOPS BUZZING. I come running into the room where it is because maybe someone is simultaneously trying to call while it was giving me an alert. Nope, it was just buzzing. I pushed the silence button, buzzzz. I pushed the one on the screen, buzzzzz. I pushed the one on the side, buzzzzz. I pushed every button there was, buzzzz. I pull out the stylus thingy because just maybe my fingers weren’t what it was looking for and start poking everything with the stylus, buzzzz. I hold down the red button to try and turn it off, buzzzzz. Ok, now I have completely lost all patience. I close my eyes and I imagine this thing hitting the wall with the same velocity as Brittany Spears on the way to a midnight shopping spree. When I open my eyes the stupid thing is laughing at me, no I mean buzzing. I don’t throw it because then I would have to somehow explain to my husband why his beloved phone put a hole in the wall.

In my panicked state here is what I decided to do. I sent a desperate email to my husband explaining my dire situation and does he have any suggestions. (I can’t call him; there is no land line in our Texas apartment) I lay the phone down and pray that the stupid thing runs out of power and dies. I go about my daily business. Later, much later my husband finally responds to my email and says, “I guess I need to show you how to take the battery out.” A big fat duuuuhhhh, the battery never even entered my mind. So moral of the story: Computers you unplug and cell phones you “debattery.”