Weekend shopping spree...Happy Labor Day

Did anyone call for an exterminator?

Tonight was an eating out night. The husband was home in time for dinner…the first week night in a month and by sheer coincidence there wasn’t a thing I could feed him! Being in Texas we often opt for BBQ since I crave it while in Cali and there isn’t any place we have found yet that can match southern or TX BBQ. (I am from Alabama…Dreamland, Jim N Nicks or Costas anyone???) In the car we pile and off to the local BBQ dive that has all the animal heads on the wall! Yum yum.

About half way through dinner I swear I feel something furry graze the back of my heel. My initial thought was…boy they have some large rats in this joint! But then I rationalized and thought…hmmm the husband wants to play footsy. The dead carcasses on the wall must be putting him in the mood. I make a nonchalant half glance under the table to see where everyone’s legs are. Nothing doing because everyone’s legs were where they were supposed to be and there was nothing noticeable in my scope. The furriness was gone so I figure that it must have been a cool breeze maybe created by the emergency exit beside me.

No sooner had this thought crossed my mind that I felt it again and now it was going from my heel to around the top part of my foot. I quickly glance under the table…I’m going to catch it this time! Holy crap! It was no furry rat or gentle breeze. Oh no it was muuuuch better, it was a palmetto bug (American cockroach)! I start shaking my foot and eewwwing and I’m sure it looked like I was having some sort of episodic fit. My husband’s face turns all crooked as if he was saying come on woman you ordered the iced tea not a Long Island Ice Tea. I was doing my best not to scream and explain in a calm voice what I was doing. This of course meant that the children, I mean squealy grossed out girls heard what I was saying. Curiosity got the best of them and they had to peak under the table to see what I had shook off. They caught a glimpse of this thing and then proceeded to run around the table yelling, “Bug, bug, BIIIGGG Bug!”

Now my reaction then was to shush them. I didn’t want to make a scene and cause problems for this place of business. So I got them quiet and they hunkered down in a corner, far away from the critter. I placed my feet very ladylike in their empty chairs and finished my meal. No reason to worry folks unnecessarily.

Not until I got home did I start thinking that it probably didn’t matter if we had pointed out the obvious roach issue. I mean for goodness sakes, we were eating under an outstretched cow skin! Texans are used to big bugs and big everything for that matter. We wouldn’t have hurt business in the least. Instead, we would have become the talk of the town…honey remember when those “faureigners” who were at the Pit and had a conniption fit over that itty bitty roach? Whatever Texas, you can keep your bugs and mosquitoes for that matter! I can’t wait to head for the Hills!

Wordless Wednesday

Thank you notes need a little procrastination

Not sure if I should tell my seven year old the art of writing thank you notes. You see, she was on the phone with her BFF in California (we’re still visiting TX) and her friend wrote a song. She sung it for AM2 and then said she was going to put it on a CD and mail it. AM2 thought it was a beautiful song and she checks the mail everyday for the CD. Shortly after she had hung up she began tearing through the apartment looking for her special notebook and pencil. Then she furiously wrote, wrote and wrote. Next she asked me for an envelope. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked, “What and to whom are you writing?” She then explained that she had written a thank you note for her friend and it is ready to go when she receives the CD.

Hmmmm. Wish I had that foresight. Instead, I take at least 6-8 months after I receive a gift to write my thank you. Then it gets stuffed in a drawer in which 1-2 years later I find the thank you note…usually unaddressed since the reason I stuck it in the drawer was because I couldn’t find the person’s address. Then of course there is the elusive stamp issue… Hence a lot of times that thank you note becomes an “it’s the thought that counts” casualty.

I need to inform her that she can drop her seven year old Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and relax a little. No need to hurry because she has at least two years before her Thank You Statute of Limitations expires! (The OCD is from her father’s side of course.)

Quality time, Daddy style

Back at the end of AM2’s school year at her precious little Christian Elementary School she had to make a book for her dad in anticipation of Father’s Day. On the page where it said, “my dad likes…,.” She wrote “to sleep.” Unfortunately that is what she sees from her little seven year old eyes. However, what she doesn’t see is the 12-24 hours a day that he works in his service for his country. He doesn’t complain about it, which is strange since he complains about almost everything else. So that brings us to this past weekend. He had worked around the astounding number of 80 hrs this week which means, you guess it he was tired. Couple that with children who weren’t feeling 100% normal and that left me somewhere between being a referee and a paramedic.

In the picture she laid beside him, pulled up her shirt a little and closed her eyes. She then said, "Mommy take a picture."

Post from my At&t Tilt

Test blog from my phone. This will be cool if it works.

You know you live in cramped quarters when….

As we took a walk through the neighborhood in the rain, we walked by a house that was for sale. On the sign was an annoying extra sign saying 4 BEDROOMS. My seven year old stops splashing in the puddle beside the sign and turns to look at me. She says, “Look. THIS HOUSE HAS FOUR BEDROOMS!” She pauses with wonderment in her eyes. Since I don’t say anything she says, “We would all have our own room. And if you and Daddy still wanted to share… we could have a PLAYROOM!” Still hare, still share, of course you silly girl. I haven’t hit menopause yet!

The walk in the rain was a lot of fun. I no longer enjoy trampling through puddles but watching my girl brought back a lot of memories of when I did. :))))

It was so close to perfect

Last week the most awesome thing happened to me. I was checking out from the grocery store with a bottle of wine and I got carded! Now this hasn't happened in years. The grocery store back home in CA never cards me...I guess they see my school aged children and assume that I am of age. Here in Texas, it ain't really a "sure thing." Anyway, the cashier was all, "Can I see some ID." And I was all, "YOU SURE CAN." So I pull that sucker out like it was a winning lottery ticket. Then things kind of take a bizarre turn. She's all, "Ma'am that's an out of state license I'm going to have to get a manager." Wuh huh? This completely deflated the scenario I had pictured in my mind. She was supposed to be all, "My bad ma'am I see you are 35 but you certainly don't look it." Meanwhile the reality was that I was stuck in the "Express" lane while Bob the 22 year old manager took down my name, DOB, and I think preference of salad dressing. Come on Bob...help a SAHM live the dream just once!

Perfect parents avert your eyes

It has come to my attention that our greatest source of entertainment is our children. Sure we can find humor and joy in other things like TV, movies, or tormenting customer service reps but nothing is the same as having two naïve children to come up with the craziest stuff.

Case in point. The hardest laugh I had all summer was a ranting or meltdown courtesy of our oldest daughter. It was bedtime and she wanted to take a tenth trip to the bathroom. I told her no and continued with the nightly routine. She then missed her turn in the nightly prayer which turned her ranting into an ear piercing screaming session. However, I was going to stick to my guns and not give in. So I turned out the lights and headed to bed myself to join my husband. This is the conversation we could hear from our bed:

AM1: Please, please let me go to the bathroom. I really need to go. You are not being fair. Why? Why? Why? Why won’t you let me go? Etc etc etc

AM2: (In her best supportive role) I don’t know why they won’t let you go. They are so unfair.

AM1: (still in hysterics) Why won’t they answer me? All I have to do is go to the bathroom.

This continues for twenty minutes…hysterics and then the calming voice of a 5 year old. My husband and I were enjoying this way too much. We got to hear what was going on in their minds as they try to figure out what we as parents could possibly be doing since we weren't catering to their demands. I've always wanted to be a fly on the wall in this situation and it was awesome. Of course we were asking ourselves if we should be intervening but the resounding answer was noway! We wanted to see how it turned out.

Then:

AM1: I think I hear them laughing. I don’t understand. All I needed to do was go to the bathroom.

AM2: I know honey. They are just mean. Just mean!

This continues for another 10 minutes. Poor little AM2 was totally out of comforting words. You could tell she was being worn down. Mean while we were still sticking to our guns. So:

AM1: MOOOOMMMMMYYYY, CAN I PLEASE GO TO THE BATHROOM?

AM 2: (tries to throw her voice while lowering it to mimic mine) Sure honey, this is mommy. You can go to the bathroom.

What was she thinking? Now that is entertainment!

Back to the grind

So it has been week since we have done any of the homeschool stuff. Since we spent most of the last week out of town, I didn't want to schlep everything with us and I knew it would be pointless since the girls would have too many distractions to concentrate.
Getting back in the swing of things was harder than I thought it would be. Luckily the girls didn't forget everything they were taught but they just had to be corralled into doing everything, it was like pulling teeth! Now I'm thinking that tutoring thing that the celebrities do isn't so bad. I mean you get the benefit of homeschooling without the headache, right? Hmmmmmm
AM 2 has taken to the idea of stalking US gymnasts. Each girl has adopted a US female gymnast as "her girl." Well AM2 has taken a liking to Nastia Liukin and found out she lives in Texas. She asked, "she lives in TX, so I can go visit her right?" Um yeah, if you want her to call the police honey. Ahhh, if only life were that simple.

Food snobs

It has come to my attention that my husband and I are raising two food snobs.(the apple doesn't fall far from the tree) When we yell to the back seat, "girls what would you like to eat?" It isn't usually a fast food joint. The two will never be called a "cheap date." Instead we get, "the lobster place or Dim Sum." However, for the last two weeks it has been that they have wanted the, "Japanese place that cooks in front of you." So since is the first day my husband has had off in two weeks we head to one of the two Hibachi grills in Corpus Christi.
Upon arrival we are asked for our reservation. Reservation???? Oh heavens, the crazy Californians drove for forty minutes to a restaurant that needed a reservation! In SoCal as a party of four we have never had to make a reservation. You just show up. So in my feeble mindedness, I'm thinking this is the middle of nowhere. The weekend before school starts. Tax free weekend in Texas. Everyone should be at the mall. Apparently I was mistaken. Now I had to explain to a 5 and 7 year old that we can't eat here. They were not happy but we promised to try the only other place in town.
Upon arrival at restaurant #2 there was no reservation needed(it soon becomes apparent why) and we were seated immediately(never a good sign). The very white, non-Asian looking waitress takes our order. No problem, I think to myself since about 50% of the time they aren't Asian. However, we knew we were in trouble when our "chef" came out and said, "how ya'll this evening." I quickly look at my children and their eyes said it all. I imagine the dialog in their heads had them rationalizing that this was just the guy who turns on the grill. No such luck. After a few minutes, the oldest couldn't help herself. She leaned over and said, "he's not even Japanese!"
It was by far not our best meal but we managed to choke it down. My husband complains quietly in my ear the entire time and the girls enjoyed the "shows" at the other tables since ours was very lackadaisical. (The 7 yo states that the other chefs are more Japanese-- as if it comes in varying degrees and ours just didn't possess any of the characteristics that makes a person Japanese) The complaining by my husband continues in my ear all the way out the door. Then outside the door it becomes audible to everyone. To this my seven year old retorts: "I've had better but what do you expect. He's not even Asian."
And so they are introduced into how hard it is to be a food snob. Good food is not easily found and when you are new to a town, you must weed all the bad ones out. However, when you find that gem in the rough it is a sweet treasure you hold onto tightly. My husband and I have always enjoyed excellent food and so it is with great pride that I get to welcome the girls to our Food World! The good, the bad and sometimes delectable.

You know you are married to an Asian man when....

You open up your laptop and find two grains of rice!

Why I'll never work for Bill Gates

Now I consider myself to possess some technical savvy and know how. There isn’t a computer anywhere that I have a problem literally pulling the plug on if it starts misbehaving. That is the cure for anything in my book. Computer not responding…unplug it. Starts making weird noises unplug it. None of the disk readers work, turn off and unplug. That seems to cure a lot of what ails these electronics. However, today I was truly stumped.

Recently I have changed cell phones. My husband is lending me his for the next year since he got one from work and no longer needs a personal one for now. So, this is a phone I have by default. It isn’t one that I eyed and pined for (unlike my husband did for this beloved phone), so there is no personal bond. (I loved my old phone but that’s another story) This phone has a split, split, split personality. You can work it by tapping on the screen with your finger. If that doesn’t interest you, you can use this fancy stylus thingy. Finally, if you prefer not to peck, you can slide it open and type on the handy dandy keyboard. Good grief the thing drives me insane. I have a hard enough time picking out my clothes for the day. Now every day I also must decide in which mode I prefer to use my phone!

So back to today. While I was in another room I hear it ring and then buzz to let me know there were 15 emails that needed to be checked. Only one problem arises, IT NEVER STOPS BUZZING. I come running into the room where it is because maybe someone is simultaneously trying to call while it was giving me an alert. Nope, it was just buzzing. I pushed the silence button, buzzzz. I pushed the one on the screen, buzzzzz. I pushed the one on the side, buzzzzz. I pushed every button there was, buzzzz. I pull out the stylus thingy because just maybe my fingers weren’t what it was looking for and start poking everything with the stylus, buzzzz. I hold down the red button to try and turn it off, buzzzzz. Ok, now I have completely lost all patience. I close my eyes and I imagine this thing hitting the wall with the same velocity as Brittany Spears on the way to a midnight shopping spree. When I open my eyes the stupid thing is laughing at me, no I mean buzzing. I don’t throw it because then I would have to somehow explain to my husband why his beloved phone put a hole in the wall.

In my panicked state here is what I decided to do. I sent a desperate email to my husband explaining my dire situation and does he have any suggestions. (I can’t call him; there is no land line in our Texas apartment) I lay the phone down and pray that the stupid thing runs out of power and dies. I go about my daily business. Later, much later my husband finally responds to my email and says, “I guess I need to show you how to take the battery out.” A big fat duuuuhhhh, the battery never even entered my mind. So moral of the story: Computers you unplug and cell phones you “debattery.”

What I have learned about coastal South Texas........

1. People here apparently don’t have a sense of humor—I made a sarcastic
remark to the checkout guy in the Walmart here and he was very impressed. He shouts in all caps...FINALLY SOMEONE WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR. Well that really explains a lot.

2. Mosquitoes come in hoards of a thousand.

3. Fishing is all the entertainment one needs?????? Me, well I find the idea crazy. You wait what could be all day for a fish to fling itself on a hook. And then you have to take it home and clean it’s guts and peel the skin off. Where does the fun part come in?

4. Recycling/being green is just a phase. There is no need to embrace it here. It will go away eventually.

5. Tattoos are a prerequisite to relocate to this area. No matter your age, gender or education level you must possess a tattoo in an area where others can see. I won’t be relocating anytime soon.

6. Water is all the tourists need. There is no need for a fancy beach. People will visit if the beach is made out of rocks and there is seaweed so thick that you fear you may lose one of your children.

7. Hot? It isn’t hot here. Windy? It’s not windy here.

8. One doesn’t necessarily need all his or her teeth to be on a local commercial.

9. H.E.B. is not pronounced Heeeb.

10. Tony Romo is no joke. He is not just a mediocre football player, dating a celebrity. In this state he is Zeus!!!

Momager

After admiring my youngest one’s newest 'work"http://shop.hm.com/se/?action=viewcampaign665kidsjackets&section=G, I decided to do some research on child modeling. I ran across a thesis a man wrote concerning the use of child models for advertising. It was disturbing in that he highlights how high end designers are guilty of "adultification" of child models for advertising purposes. You know, we make children appear to be adults and thus losing their innocence. Somewhere in this thesis he throws in a reference of Jon Benet and that's where he lost me.
I knew there were those who are opposed to the idea of subjecting children to the Hollywood scene and all its debauchery. However, this has not been our experience. Instead, my children have been forced to play dress up.....how sickening! They have people who cater to every beck and call while never leaving my ever watching eye...the gall! Then the girls laugh all the way to the bank...heaven help us!
I get what the author was trying to say about these advertisements but I think he was placing the blame in the wrong arena. So who cares that Americans are stupid and want pretty people to sell them clothes. Is that the fault of the advertisers, designers, or models? No, it is our own selfish desires to be the most beautiful, popular or rich. Therefore if I felt the need to justify my actions I would say "hey my girls are just capitalizing on America's selfishness." Besides, I get some really cool pictures for my walls!

Piles

In our random summer boredness I have taught the girls to play solitaire. So this evening AM2 was going to play a game.

AM2: Mommy, shuffle these cards for me.

Me: Well ok but could you at least get them all facing the same direction for me.
(some were face up and others not)

AM2: Oh sure

She worked hard and got them all facing the same direction. However, it was a disheveled mess.

Me: Could you make it into a nice pile.

AM2: Sorry, I don't do nice piles. I do ugly ones.

Hmmm. Ok it is soooo not worth the fight! I shuffled and that was that. Where have the days gone when I didn't have to do nice piles?

The Gator is gone

The background: We are visiting South Texas for the summer. My husband is stationed here but since it is a "temporary" thing we didn't move from our San Diego home. No we packed the mini van and came to the fine coast here. Aren't all beaches the same? (ha, ha---the blood curdling scream of my seven year old has deafened me ..."No mommy, I mean a REAL BEACH.")
So anyway, at my husbands humble abode there is a pond/lake/mosquito breeding pool. Call it what you may. Well apparently everyone knows that there is an alligator who lives there. However, being that I am used to only areas that are populated by humans and coyotes--I thought my daughter and I were sitting on the hill/bank watching a rather large fish flail itself around in this said pool. That is until I saw two large eyes approaching. Then a snout appeared. Holy cow..."honey is that an alligator?" She replied, "cool let's go see." No, no we instead ran for our lives!!!

Well we were alarmed for no reason. He just wanted food. Huh? Yes you heard me. He just wanted food. It seems everyone around here fed him.

So let's get the facts straight: Alligator in water. People feed beast. Beast becomes nuisance. Fish and Wildlife must catch alligator.

Well it has been a few days since they took our gator away and it has broken the heart of a little five year old girl. She thought that the alligator would be too smart for the trap that the fish and game guys set. Everyday for the five days it was out there...she would peak out the door and say "I knew that alligator was too smart to fall for that."

Oh well, the show is over. I guess we'll have to go back to seeing alligator only on the arms of those ladies at the mall SoCal.

My personal list of things to avoid as a homeschool mom

1. I will not stop showering and make my wardrobe consist of only bathrobes.

2. I will not put my hair in a scrunchy and strap on a fanny pack before heading to the library.

3. I will not ban my children from watching TV...I need some moments to myself!

4. I will not start making clothes for myself/children. Not because it is uncool but the fact is that I lack the talent in doing so.

5. I will never get used to making breakfast and supper at the same time. (God bless the crockpot)

6. Finally, I will not substitute watching my beloved reality shows in order to catch a documentary on ANYTHING!

The first day of home school

Whew....I survived. So this day if it did nothing else helped to pinpoint the challenges that lay ahead. A.M.2 was motivated for all of 20 minutes. I knew this was going to be an issue. As a matter of fact, it was a major consideration of the home school process. A.M.2 is such a free spirit and all around California girl. This has me question the mode of teaching, such as do I continue with the Classical format or switch her to more of an unschooling approach? Will she get used to the structure and then crave the consistency that classical provides? Aye yigh yigh, at least I don't have to worry about the highly structured classroom of traditional schools squelching her little free spirit.
What surprised me the most was how my A.M.1 embraced this whole thing! I thought she would totally reject everything I was doing and tell me that I am not qualified to be teaching her great mind. Why did I think this? Well she has spent the last two years being taught by "highly qualified" teachers and so I considered that she wouldn't like this whole being home thing. But perhaps she is saving that for another day.

Here was how the day unfolded.

8:10am Everyone up. I immediately headed for the shower, while the girls got dressed.

8:25am Start making breakfast for the girls. AM1 had cereal and milk. AM2 had a waffle. I get my much needed coffee started....why is it taking so long to brew??

8:45am I clean up breakfast dishes. AM1 wipes the table. Who knows what AM2 is doing....no wait I remember she was brushing her toy horse's hair. AM1 then goes and puts her thermometer outside so we can read it later for math.

9:00am We begin with Bible and prayer. Then the girls color a Bible cartoon for a few minutes.

9:15am I gave AM1 her Spelling Workout book while AM2 and I started on Saxon math.

9:30am AM2's first lesson was short. So she is now handed spelling and Am2 starts on math.

9:45am Am2 complained the whole time while doing spelling. She wanted to play with the math blocks/shapes instead. I think she only said this about a million times!!! So finally I get the blocks down so that I can finish AM2's lesson in peace.

9:55 I announce that it is time for our grammar lesson from First Language Lessons.
It is at this announcement that AM2 starts screaming/crying. Are you kidding me? So I grab the book and sit on the couch. This is what both girls will be doing this year since. I just start reading and the screaming turns into silence.

10:05 Very short first lesson of grammar so we are able to move on to phonics. I am using Abeka for phonics since this is what AM1 has been doing for the past two years, so I didn't want to throw her into a whole new way of learning to read. AM2 floored me here...I ordered the first grade edition although she is technically in kindergarten. She didn't even blink on this. I understand that it is easy in the beginning but this was a total snap. Made me very glad I didn't order the K stuff!

10:20 AM2 finishes first and begins her reading lesson. AM1 continues her phonics or well coloring what it told her to color.

10:30 AM1 finishes her phonics and I tell her to grab a book we got from the library to start reading independently until I could get to her.

10:35 AM1 is unable to read independently....she wants to ask questions. She is having trouble in the Archeology book she chose....why did she have to pick the most book difficult to read?

10:50 AM2 finishes her reading lesson and is so happy to be done. She puts herself in the office chair and spins herself around as fast as she can go. So AM 1 starts her reading lesson. Archeology, seriously????

10:55 So I had enough of the spinning and the frustrating reading......ENOUGH I say. Who wants a snack??? They become very excited. So vanilla wafers and milk are the snack of the day. Then both say how they can't wait until their respective birthdays and then they can have cupcakes for snack. Then I propose...since you are home schooled, you can take the day off. AM1 becomes very excited...the best news she ever heard!!

11:00 They both ask for a rest from school. Ok let's go for a walk. We walk to get the mail and check out the surroundings. On this walk I realize that today is the first. I am supposed to pay bills on the first.

11:10 I sit at the computer and pay bills. The girls play together. It was some game where they were famous or teenagers...what they have been playing all summer.

11:30 The girls want computer time since mommy did. I explain I wasn't playing on the computer but actually doing work. This doesn't appease them. So I cave since it is close to lunch time. While they plan each on a separate laptop, I start laundry.

12:00 I decide to make lunch. AM1 calls Nama. AM2 got kicked off Webkinz and so I sit her down first.

12:05 AM2 is doing really well eating. AM1 is not interested at all. She sits anyway and picks at the apples, chips and sandwich.

12:25 I clean up lunch and bag up the uneaten sandwich of AM1. The girls play together a little more.

12:45 The girls vote to do science instead of History today. I finished cleaning up.

1:00 We start studying our Biology lesson. We are studying invertebrates. AM1 had protested that she didn't want to learn about gross snails, squids, etc. We start anyway. Much to their surprise, the girls loved it. We spent the next hour pouring over books about snails and squids. There was a squid book written on a level that AM 1 could read so we were able to finish our reading lesson.

1:55 Narration of our science. Both girls had to explain what they knew about our new friends. AM2 dictated hers to me and AM1 wrote hers independently.

2:15 We are done. AM1 asks what time it is. I tell her and she does a little dance because it beat when she was done in first grade. People, it was a whole 15 minutes before she is used to getting out when she was at a traditional school. But I guess when you are seven it is an eternity!