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One for the baby book

So my 7 year old wrote a Valentine card to her unborn baby sister and this is what it said:

Dear Babie,
I hope that your cute if your not O well I still love you
Your bigiest sister

Technology's curse

So I shared the following story with my sister in law by text message and I didn’t realize how disturbing it truly was until I saw it there in black and white.

I taped the Grammy Awards for my girls because they wanted to “see the Jonas Brothers in high definition.” That’s what the 7 year old said. So no problem I thought because that is exactly why God invented the DVR, right? Well as a tired, pregnant mom I have taught the girls how to use the DVR so that if they get up at zero dark thirty they can watch their precious shows. (I also don’t let them watch TV in the evening so they have to record all their favorite shows.)

So back to the Grammy’s. They knew I had recorded the show and before I was up they decided to find their precious Jonas Brothers. However, there was a lot of singing on the way and they fast forwarded through most of it…. As I was making breakfast it became real evident what they didn’t fast forward through as they started to sing, “I kissed a girl and I liked it.” I tried really hard to hide my shock and horror but my mouth was on the floor. If the song had been on the radio, no big deal. However, this was a live performance and so they saw that the singer was Katy Perry, a girl. I had to spend the entire morning explain why it isn’t ok for them to sing the song and just laugh since they thought it was funny that a girl was singing that song---silly, just silly we concluded. Of course I know this is stored in their memory banks along with other off limits things they have seen and heard and it will be used against me at the most inopportune moment!

In a Nutshell

So the last few weeks are a blur. There were numerous trips to L.A., fighting of a mysterious illness for the last week, and comments from strangers and friends referring to how my stomach has "popped out." Amazingly with all that is going on I have found the strength to pull myself out of bed and to keep going! I have mad survival skills! Anyway,the true goal in mind is that three months from now I will be able to breathe out of my nostrils again.

So today as we travel through a drive-through the precocious 6 year old in the backseat states: Hope you don't max out your card!
Oh dear, well Miss Smarty Pants if you must know it was my ATM card and I know that those details are beneath you. However I'm sure your comment was humorous to the guy who was handing back my card and receipt. A little free entertainment for all.

It doesn't stop there. Tonight as my sick 7 year old is laying in my bed, I was flipping channels to find something appropriate but as I flip she exclaims: That lady is dancing with a pole. Why? She looks silly.
Granted I was flipping as fast as I could and that this person was completely dressed but I'm sure this will come up again in casual conversation with her friends. Once again I will be handed the mother of the year award.

So I guess tomorrow I will again have to find the strength to pull myself out of bed and do it all again. Why? Because I will survive!

My poor neglected blog

I have effectively neglected all my cyberspace duties lately. I get posts from friends on Facebook asking where I am and emails from friends that I forget to respond to. I’m going to blame it on the pregnancy. Yes I am tired but that would not be the reason. I have been overwhelming myself with the plethora of baby gadgets and gear. Apparently baby products have come a long way since I was in the market eight years ago. I have been online doing research, reading reviews and now my eyes are about to fall out of my head. Sure it is fascinating and you have to wonder what in the world a $900 stroller can do. However, I never found any evidence that it actually sprouted wings and flew so nothing was resolved. Instead I am now more confused than when I began.

Officially I am throwing in the towel and joining back with my blog and peeps on Facebook. There is no sense in wasting anymore brain cells!

The Birds and the Bees

It seems that my 7 year old almost got schooled today on the facts of life. I unwittingly observed the whole thing. There were these two 4th graders from the neighborhood school talking about some huge thing that had happened. One had played a prank on a third neighborhood girl and wrote a nasty note. The note said how this third girl was in bed with so and so boy and had sex. I’m not a hundred percent sure but I don’t think such things were on my mind when I was 9! My daughter wasn’t included in this conversation at first because she wasn’t old enough to hear it. Well duh. I’m not sure I am old enough to hear this conversation. So anyway when they decided to divulge some information to my daughter there was a teenage “supervisor” and when she realized that Ashlyn thought sex meant sexy she immediately halted the conversation. I didn’t know what was being said but I saw all the little pow wows happening and the exclusivity. I knew there was drama but had no idea the extent.

However, now I am left with the aftermath of trying to explain. Thankfully she doesn’t want to know about a lot of it. She doesn’t feel ready and so I take my cues from her. Who says homeschoolers don’t get socialization? This example shows they get plenty and drives home how I want all the children's “education” to come from me, not from the older/experienced kids. Yikes.

The Tooth Fairy is broke!

So on my blogging vacation my two girls lost a combined 3 teeth! Not sure why they must do things in pairs. For goodness sakes they aren’t even twins but since having both, everything must be done in simultaneously. At least now it is teeth and not poop. But this causes me to ponder what it will be down the line when they are teenagers or even grown. What will happen so that one doesn’t upend the other? Puberty in tandem? Marriage within hours? Pregnancy timed with synchronous cycles? Hmmmph. I am now petitioning for this to stop at teeth for heaven’s sake! I don’t mind tiptoeing around in the middle of the night replacing gross teeth with cash. However, please I don’t think I have a strong enough heart for this craziness to continue!

Toothless Thursday

I want them to stop growing already!

Heat, rain and fever

So finally on December 15th I had to turn on the heat. It was only for a minute to take the edge off but I’m counting it as our official start of winter. The rain is also a sign of winter. It’s nice to sit here and not have to be out in it because as my children say, “People in California don’t know how to drive in the rain.”

I have officially lost the mother of the year award. I noticed yesterday how my little AM2 was coughing and hoarse but didn’t give it much thought. She didn’t eat a lot either but I figured it was all the junk she had a birthday party that maybe her calorie intake was sufficient. Then last night I heard her fussing on and off in her sleep. This morning she had a glassy look to her eyes but she was behaving normally, minus the cough of course. However, as I was helping her get dressed I asked her if she wanted me to take her temperature. Holy cow the stinking thing was 101. Oops. So yeah I took her more seriously and drugged her with ibuprofen. Now all is well. Let’s just hope she is the only one who holds on to this bug.

So This Is Christmas...

Saturday was the day I had promised the girls we would get our tree. Little did I know how warm it would be. So I thought we'd wait until night because then it should be cooler and feel more Christmasie. That theory had more holes than an OJ Simpson defense strategy. And there we were in our shorts and flip flops picking out our Christmas tree. Maybe someday we'll live in Maine and I'll be all, "kids remember that Christmas we picked out our tree and it was 70 degrees?"

We went smaller this year since my pregnant self and two munchkins had to drag it into the house. I was thankful my life wasn't a reality show because trying to get the darn thing to stand up was beyond comical. After wrestling with the tree and the stand for an eternity I decided to take a break. I needed to think through this engineering issue and it seems in this case no help would be beter than the help I was currently receiving.

Anyway it only took a day to get it to stand on its own and then decorate it. My recently turned six year old informed there was no way she was helping with the lights, "I'm an ornament girl only."

Sunday seemed to mock us. We woke up to a decidedly cooler and overcast day. As a matter of fact the little squirt thought it was cold enough to snow. Hmmmm..I don't think so. It was 65 degrees. We'll have to wait for that Christmas in Maine.

You know it's time for maternity pants when....

Completing the Checklist

I am not sure what gave me the idea to take my girls to get their immunizations updated the day before Thanksgiving but it is done and I blame it on placenta brain. I miss the old days where they had no idea what was going to happen and then they would cry for a few minutes. Then we would get home and they would take the best naps. Now they are too smart and they are upset before anyone even steps into the room.

I tried to explain why they needed these shots but it was like I was the teacher on Charlie Brown—wah, wah, wah, wah. Even as I was putting them to bed they felt the need to complain to me and ask the question why? Why did I single them out for this torture? I did have a lot of sympathy for my soon to be six year old who had to get four shots! She also had a slight fever even after being well medicated. The good news—they are done until adolescents. However, next time I think I would rather bathe cats!

Bad news—baby comes in the spring. I get to start the process all over again! Lucky me!

Just when I thought I might have to kill them

I find them in my bed all jammied up and having a moment. The two of them were not fighting for what seems to be the first time in an eternity. Here they were, little sister was reading while big sister was helping with the hard words. It was precious and helps me go to bed thinking…sure I have to do it all again tomorrow but darn it—it is sooooooooo worth it!!

Preggo after 35

My blog has been suffering from my lack of energy due to me being preggers. However, now I am coming to the end of the first trimester and I am starting to come out of the fog. Not sure if it the fatigue was related to the pregnancy or the lack of caffeine. I sure have missed my coffee and what I wouldn’t do for a Starbucks run. Oh well, it’s for a good cause.

Today was actually my second OB appointment and I had decided to take the girls. I had left them with a friend the first appointment because I didn’t feel like explaining a pelvic exam. Good move. However, I forgot that I have a retroverted uterus and therefore I always warrant a pelvic ultrasound until I am 16 weeks since they never find my babies’ heartbeats with a Doppler. So yep, there I am with my girls and immediately I see the bazillion questions that are going to follow over the next several days. (They had already been snickering at all the posters on the walls.) So anyway, it was homeschooling at its best. Me, undressed from the waist down and then the Midwife pulls out the stirrups. You should have seen my girls’ eyes!!! The soon to be six year old kept asking, “Mommy is this torture?” What can I say? I fake my best nothing wrong here and just point to the monitor with the bouncing fetus. As I get ready to get dressed #1 asks, “Mommy can I put my feet in those thingies?” Um no. This has now become my worse nightmare.

Further proof of this is what happened yesterday. I was sampling my 7 year old’s milkshake and she was mortified. She stares at me with disgust and says, “Great! Now I’m going to be pregnant!”

A lot of explaining……

Priority girls

So on Saturday night I was multitasking as usual. While watching college football I decided to update my bank accounts on my computer software. Well I guess in effort to make sure that I’m not playing some fun game or trying to read top secret email, AM1 peers over my shoulder and asks what I was doing. I reply that I was entering all the purchases we have made to see how much money we have in our bank account. She states how terribly boring that sounds and that when she grows up she will NEVER do that.

Fast forward five minutes. She pulls out a sheet of paper and wants me to tell her all the positions that football players play. I thought it would deter her when I told her there were twenty-two but no. Somehow that is not more boring than balancing a checking account. Go figure.

Religious training…not so much

So there was a conversation around the table this afternoon about Adam and Eve. We got into what they did wrong and AM2 chimes in “they ate the Fruits of the Spirit.” Ummmmm. I explain how that is half right but it was actually the forbidden fruit. But that was a nice segway and so I go there, “Do you know what the Fruits of the Spirits are?” (This is a trick question b/c her preschool had talked about it and so I know it was buried there somewhere) Her face becomes elated and she screams, “Oh yes…grapes.” Not exactly. But then she trumps me. She pulls out the scrapbook her teacher made at preschool last year and flips through. Then she finds this sheet of paper that she had stamped all types of fruit onto, apparently when they were talking about the Fruits of Spirit. Dang it if there weren't grapes on that art project! Where do I go from here? Score: 5 year old--1; mom---0

Lunch and a movie

Today seemed like the perfect opportunity to snag a flick since it was cool, windy and rainy. Apparently I wasn’t the only one that thought that. I guess us Southern California parents panic when we can’t ship the kids outside and look for some sort of rescue. Of course my true motive was that the thought of another day with all the neighborhood children in my house could possibly kill me—needed a plan of not being home.

So I broke down. The girls have been asking to see High School Musical 3 and so today was the day. I found it strange that when the movie premiered the girls weren’t interested in being the first to see it. All summer as the stupid thing was being promoted I had visions of us standing in line with a million squealing high school girls. But thank goodness my girls showed patience!

While talking about visions, I had also pictured my girls dancing around the theater singing at the top of their lungs. However, this was not the case. They were completely awestruck and glued to their seats. (Of course there was occasional singing but it was very subdued.) I have to admit that I was very impressed with the show. Maybe it was the fact that my expectations were so low but I was completely amazed at the production numbers and I forgot this is Disney people. They do everything BIG. Right?

Why I need a chauffeur

It has been a long while since I have had such a crazy day as a momager. It started when we left our house by 7am to head to an audition for a commercial. When we get to the casting metropolis someone had the audacity to put on the very first studio room just inside the door these words….MILEY CYRUS. It was some type of casting having to do with her but that isn’t the point. The point is my children lost all focus and getting them to cooperate with anything coming out of my mouth was nearly impossible. Anyway, we somehow survived and made it out of the audition. (minus one peak around for the mega star)

Once outside, the little one is so excited and uncontrollable she decides to start kicking at the kudzu lining the sidewalk. She is running and kicking. She stops and kicks furiously. Then takes off running and then tries to kick again but instead lands face down in the kudzu. I laugh so hard that I almost snort. The guy that passes us on the sidewalk is laughing really hard too. As background info, my daughter does not like to be laughed at. She becomes greatly offended so I’m thinking that she is going to get up in a rage and start chasing me until she can pound her fists into my delicate flesh. However she gets up laughing herself and states casually, “I meant to do that.” Finally maybe she is learning the art of laughing at yourself.

This was not the end of our day. We drove home or to Costco and then home for lunch. I furiously run around packing homeschool work and then pile us back in the car. We have a photo shoot to go to. In an act of mercy, the shoot was only ten miles from my house! This was perhaps the most enjoyable shoot either of my kiddos has ever had. Why? Well first there was fake snow and then there were the free clothes. More specifically the boots were a big hit. The little one got two pairs and she wore a pair on her feet and a pair on her hands all the way home. The big one who didn’t even work somehow scammed some free boots for herself. (She talked the bigger girl model out of one her free pairs. Not sure how she did it.) So right now as the little angels are sleeping in their beds the boots are lying right beside the bed but within arm’s reach. At least I talked them out of sleeping with them on. Score one for mom!

Old Tricks

There are only conversations that can happen when a dad is around. Since my husband rolled into town Friday night things have definitely changed. As we are driving as a family he jokingly asked the girls if they would like to “pull his finger.” The girls don’t know this one and so the five year old says, “only if it clicks.”

Well I can’t let them go through life with such naivety so I said that if an old man wants them to pull his finger they should refuse because it will make him toot. The five year old was fascinated, like it was a cool mechanism how when you are an old man somehow your finger is wired to your backside. I quickly explained the true “mechanism”.

So guess what the popular pastime is around the house. Yep, it is good to have a dad around.

Back to Work

So my little AM 2 had the first audition of us being back into town. We were in the car by 9 am and off to Los Angeles. It has been five months since we’ve made the trek and there were a couple of things that I had forgotten. Those would be things such as… there is always traffic. It doesn’t matter that it is 10:30 am because you and a million of your closest friends are apparently all go to the same place. I also forgot how nerve racking it is driving through Hollywood with the fear of accidentally hitting a car that is worth more than your entire home. I also forgot how parking is a nightmare. Anywhere, anytime because this nightmare is not prejudiced. Lastly, I forgot how much I love L.A.---no I idea why but I do.

Back to the audition. It was in a home/studio in the Hollywood hills area. After fearing for our life on the drive to the top of some crazy hill, I had to help my children climb these horrific stairs up to this home. To boot, some of the stairs were loose and wobbly. I only wish someone were filming us hugging the rail up and down the flight. I’m sure from the street we looked like crazies but hey we made it out alive. The view was incredible but seriously haven’t these people heard of mud slides? That is literally too much living on the edge for me! I included pictures in case you don’t believe me.