One for the baby book

So my 7 year old wrote a Valentine card to her unborn baby sister and this is what it said:

Dear Babie,
I hope that your cute if your not O well I still love you
Your bigiest sister

Technology's curse

So I shared the following story with my sister in law by text message and I didn’t realize how disturbing it truly was until I saw it there in black and white.

I taped the Grammy Awards for my girls because they wanted to “see the Jonas Brothers in high definition.” That’s what the 7 year old said. So no problem I thought because that is exactly why God invented the DVR, right? Well as a tired, pregnant mom I have taught the girls how to use the DVR so that if they get up at zero dark thirty they can watch their precious shows. (I also don’t let them watch TV in the evening so they have to record all their favorite shows.)

So back to the Grammy’s. They knew I had recorded the show and before I was up they decided to find their precious Jonas Brothers. However, there was a lot of singing on the way and they fast forwarded through most of it…. As I was making breakfast it became real evident what they didn’t fast forward through as they started to sing, “I kissed a girl and I liked it.” I tried really hard to hide my shock and horror but my mouth was on the floor. If the song had been on the radio, no big deal. However, this was a live performance and so they saw that the singer was Katy Perry, a girl. I had to spend the entire morning explain why it isn’t ok for them to sing the song and just laugh since they thought it was funny that a girl was singing that song---silly, just silly we concluded. Of course I know this is stored in their memory banks along with other off limits things they have seen and heard and it will be used against me at the most inopportune moment!

In a Nutshell

So the last few weeks are a blur. There were numerous trips to L.A., fighting of a mysterious illness for the last week, and comments from strangers and friends referring to how my stomach has "popped out." Amazingly with all that is going on I have found the strength to pull myself out of bed and to keep going! I have mad survival skills! Anyway,the true goal in mind is that three months from now I will be able to breathe out of my nostrils again.

So today as we travel through a drive-through the precocious 6 year old in the backseat states: Hope you don't max out your card!
Oh dear, well Miss Smarty Pants if you must know it was my ATM card and I know that those details are beneath you. However I'm sure your comment was humorous to the guy who was handing back my card and receipt. A little free entertainment for all.

It doesn't stop there. Tonight as my sick 7 year old is laying in my bed, I was flipping channels to find something appropriate but as I flip she exclaims: That lady is dancing with a pole. Why? She looks silly.
Granted I was flipping as fast as I could and that this person was completely dressed but I'm sure this will come up again in casual conversation with her friends. Once again I will be handed the mother of the year award.

So I guess tomorrow I will again have to find the strength to pull myself out of bed and do it all again. Why? Because I will survive!

My poor neglected blog

I have effectively neglected all my cyberspace duties lately. I get posts from friends on Facebook asking where I am and emails from friends that I forget to respond to. I’m going to blame it on the pregnancy. Yes I am tired but that would not be the reason. I have been overwhelming myself with the plethora of baby gadgets and gear. Apparently baby products have come a long way since I was in the market eight years ago. I have been online doing research, reading reviews and now my eyes are about to fall out of my head. Sure it is fascinating and you have to wonder what in the world a $900 stroller can do. However, I never found any evidence that it actually sprouted wings and flew so nothing was resolved. Instead I am now more confused than when I began.

Officially I am throwing in the towel and joining back with my blog and peeps on Facebook. There is no sense in wasting anymore brain cells!

The Tooth Fairy is broke!

So on my blogging vacation my two girls lost a combined 3 teeth! Not sure why they must do things in pairs. For goodness sakes they aren’t even twins but since having both, everything must be done in simultaneously. At least now it is teeth and not poop. But this causes me to ponder what it will be down the line when they are teenagers or even grown. What will happen so that one doesn’t upend the other? Puberty in tandem? Marriage within hours? Pregnancy timed with synchronous cycles? Hmmmph. I am now petitioning for this to stop at teeth for heaven’s sake! I don’t mind tiptoeing around in the middle of the night replacing gross teeth with cash. However, please I don’t think I have a strong enough heart for this craziness to continue!

Toothless Thursday

I want them to stop growing already!

Heat, rain and fever

So finally on December 15th I had to turn on the heat. It was only for a minute to take the edge off but I’m counting it as our official start of winter. The rain is also a sign of winter. It’s nice to sit here and not have to be out in it because as my children say, “People in California don’t know how to drive in the rain.”

I have officially lost the mother of the year award. I noticed yesterday how my little AM2 was coughing and hoarse but didn’t give it much thought. She didn’t eat a lot either but I figured it was all the junk she had a birthday party that maybe her calorie intake was sufficient. Then last night I heard her fussing on and off in her sleep. This morning she had a glassy look to her eyes but she was behaving normally, minus the cough of course. However, as I was helping her get dressed I asked her if she wanted me to take her temperature. Holy cow the stinking thing was 101. Oops. So yeah I took her more seriously and drugged her with ibuprofen. Now all is well. Let’s just hope she is the only one who holds on to this bug.

Completing the Checklist

I am not sure what gave me the idea to take my girls to get their immunizations updated the day before Thanksgiving but it is done and I blame it on placenta brain. I miss the old days where they had no idea what was going to happen and then they would cry for a few minutes. Then we would get home and they would take the best naps. Now they are too smart and they are upset before anyone even steps into the room.

I tried to explain why they needed these shots but it was like I was the teacher on Charlie Brown—wah, wah, wah, wah. Even as I was putting them to bed they felt the need to complain to me and ask the question why? Why did I single them out for this torture? I did have a lot of sympathy for my soon to be six year old who had to get four shots! She also had a slight fever even after being well medicated. The good news—they are done until adolescents. However, next time I think I would rather bathe cats!

Bad news—baby comes in the spring. I get to start the process all over again! Lucky me!

Just when I thought I might have to kill them

I find them in my bed all jammied up and having a moment. The two of them were not fighting for what seems to be the first time in an eternity. Here they were, little sister was reading while big sister was helping with the hard words. It was precious and helps me go to bed thinking…sure I have to do it all again tomorrow but darn it—it is sooooooooo worth it!!

Priority girls

So on Saturday night I was multitasking as usual. While watching college football I decided to update my bank accounts on my computer software. Well I guess in effort to make sure that I’m not playing some fun game or trying to read top secret email, AM1 peers over my shoulder and asks what I was doing. I reply that I was entering all the purchases we have made to see how much money we have in our bank account. She states how terribly boring that sounds and that when she grows up she will NEVER do that.

Fast forward five minutes. She pulls out a sheet of paper and wants me to tell her all the positions that football players play. I thought it would deter her when I told her there were twenty-two but no. Somehow that is not more boring than balancing a checking account. Go figure.

Religious training…not so much

So there was a conversation around the table this afternoon about Adam and Eve. We got into what they did wrong and AM2 chimes in “they ate the Fruits of the Spirit.” Ummmmm. I explain how that is half right but it was actually the forbidden fruit. But that was a nice segway and so I go there, “Do you know what the Fruits of the Spirits are?” (This is a trick question b/c her preschool had talked about it and so I know it was buried there somewhere) Her face becomes elated and she screams, “Oh yes…grapes.” Not exactly. But then she trumps me. She pulls out the scrapbook her teacher made at preschool last year and flips through. Then she finds this sheet of paper that she had stamped all types of fruit onto, apparently when they were talking about the Fruits of Spirit. Dang it if there weren't grapes on that art project! Where do I go from here? Score: 5 year old--1; mom---0

Lunch and a movie

Today seemed like the perfect opportunity to snag a flick since it was cool, windy and rainy. Apparently I wasn’t the only one that thought that. I guess us Southern California parents panic when we can’t ship the kids outside and look for some sort of rescue. Of course my true motive was that the thought of another day with all the neighborhood children in my house could possibly kill me—needed a plan of not being home.

So I broke down. The girls have been asking to see High School Musical 3 and so today was the day. I found it strange that when the movie premiered the girls weren’t interested in being the first to see it. All summer as the stupid thing was being promoted I had visions of us standing in line with a million squealing high school girls. But thank goodness my girls showed patience!

While talking about visions, I had also pictured my girls dancing around the theater singing at the top of their lungs. However, this was not the case. They were completely awestruck and glued to their seats. (Of course there was occasional singing but it was very subdued.) I have to admit that I was very impressed with the show. Maybe it was the fact that my expectations were so low but I was completely amazed at the production numbers and I forgot this is Disney people. They do everything BIG. Right?

Old Tricks

There are only conversations that can happen when a dad is around. Since my husband rolled into town Friday night things have definitely changed. As we are driving as a family he jokingly asked the girls if they would like to “pull his finger.” The girls don’t know this one and so the five year old says, “only if it clicks.”

Well I can’t let them go through life with such naivety so I said that if an old man wants them to pull his finger they should refuse because it will make him toot. The five year old was fascinated, like it was a cool mechanism how when you are an old man somehow your finger is wired to your backside. I quickly explained the true “mechanism”.

So guess what the popular pastime is around the house. Yep, it is good to have a dad around.

The Debate

So I had the TV on last night for the debates. We weren’t sitting in front of it but going about our evening business while it served as background. The girls were a lot more interested in it than I thought they would be and here is their assessments:

The 5 y.o.: He said Beverly Hills.(when Obama mentioned the words “presented a bill”)

The 7 y.o.: Why do you have to vote? Why don’t they just give whoever wants to be President a quiz and whoever does the best or finishes first wins.

Me: Because this is the United States of America and we have the right to choose.

The 7 y.o.: But my way is easier and faster.

My husband called today and asked if I watched the debate. I explained that sort of but that our 7 y.o. was really into it. She got on the phone and told him this: The guy with the white hair kept making funny faces at the other guy. I think the name of the guy with white hair is George Lopez.

By gosh isn’t it crazy that you must be to be 18 years old to vote. I think children would add a whole new dimension to the political process…it might actually be fun too. Imagine if the candidates had to appeal to kids---it would be fun to see John McCain in a Chuck E Cheese, am I right?

Theory

Someday I would one day like to meet the genius who thought up the idea that children should be taught so that their self esteem grows. Not sure if you are catching the sarcasm in my tone but believe me it is there. I understand that there are children in the world who don’t know they are loved or cared about and Mr. Rogers was definitely there for them and had them in thought. Why the attack? Because more often than not this is the typical conversation at my house:

Me: You are so lucky. I hate you.(talking to my 5 yr old. Joking of course and yep my five year old understands sarcasm.)

AM2: (laughing) You do not. You love me.

Me: I do love you. I love you to pieces.

AM2: I know. EVERYONE loves me.

Another example:

AM2: I love being me. Everyone wants to be me.

So do I seriously need to buy into this ego/superego or whatever it is? I think there is enough Humanism/Me”ism” in the world without making another beautiful “witch” that treats all us ordinary people like less thans! Just my theory.

Just a Theory

So my five year old is in the tub last night and I notice this rash on her belly. I start the inquisition of where, when, and how it got there. She pleads that she has no idea but needs something to make it better. Then she states, “I need Pro Active.”

Just to clarify, I don’t own this stuff nor does she know anyone else who does. This is where my theory comes to mind. As a child I always thought that when I wasn’t around or was sleeping that maybe, just maybe my toys came to life. (this was wayyyyy before Toy Story) They would move around and talk about me, etc. I’m sure I am not alone in this fantasy world. Well now that I’m an adult I have moved passed that. However, when I had children another theory emerged. This theory involved my babies sitting up in their cribs and talking. They would talk about how terrible their parents were and how they were going to torture us for the next sixty years. It seems that I may have proof now because apparently I have a five year old who wakes up in the middle night to catch the latest infomercial. I KNEW IT!

Back to normal???!!!

So I returned to my beloved home on Monday, hurray hurray. My girls are no longer under foot. We all have our own personal space but it isn’t all bliss my friends.
A. Had to leave my husband in Texas.
B. Had no TV channels.
C. Had no internet access.
D. Have no A/C and for some reason it is 3000 degrees here in Southern California

Not sure if you can spot the similarities… but dang it …that sounds a lot like camping! I don’t “do” camping and so this has been very interesting. The good news is that no one has died…i haven’t even had the urge to strangle my kids. This is a large step or maybe we are just still in a honeymoon period. Whatever the reason, I’ll take it.
Finally over the last three days, all the problems except for the first one have been alleviated—so now we are back at status quo.

On Being a Grown Up

Well it seems the Department of Defense has deemed that my husband is worthy of a lot more responsibility. So today they gave him the keys to a ship in which he will be the commanding officer. Am I proud? Absolutely 100 percent but there is a part of me is like, say what? I have known my husband since we were 13/14 years old and that was over twenty years ago. At some point I think I fell asleep and then woke up and it was 2008. Seriously when did this happen? OMG...I have two kids too! In my mind it is still 1986 and Pretty In Pink isn't just a retro movie!

Maybe I'm just freaking because my new title is now COW. (stands for Commanding Officer's Wife) Seriously, I would like to meet the individual responsible for that and slap him around for a while. I know the military likes to abbreviate things but this takes it to a whole new level. It isn't an official title thank heavens but I know exists and those involved...I'm watching you. If you must use an abbreviation may I suggest...SHOW.(Super Hot Officer's Wife)

Why my children want to live in the country.

Besides the fact that they want a puppy too. Great grandpa gave them a ride through the yard in Alabama. Boy they are really going to have to adjust to city life in a week!

Mommydar (A.K.A. Mommy Radar)

The other night I could hear the kitchen cabinets opening and closing and I looked around. Both girls were missing. So I listened some more…complete silence minus the rustling of paper. I knew they were stuffing their faces full of something they shouldn’t but being the tricky mom I am, I wanted to test the response they would give.

ME: Girls what are you doing?

GIRLS: NOOOOOTHINGGGG. (Which sounded like it was coming from a chipmunk)

ME: Hmmm. Sounds like something to me. Are you lying?

GIRLS: YEEESSSSS.

I would like to take credit for this as if I had instilled values into my girls that they prefer not lying. However, I know that the truth is that they were just scared I was going to get up and verify what was happening. A little fear goes a long way I guess.