Toothless Thursday

I want them to stop growing already!

Heat, rain and fever

So finally on December 15th I had to turn on the heat. It was only for a minute to take the edge off but I’m counting it as our official start of winter. The rain is also a sign of winter. It’s nice to sit here and not have to be out in it because as my children say, “People in California don’t know how to drive in the rain.”

I have officially lost the mother of the year award. I noticed yesterday how my little AM2 was coughing and hoarse but didn’t give it much thought. She didn’t eat a lot either but I figured it was all the junk she had a birthday party that maybe her calorie intake was sufficient. Then last night I heard her fussing on and off in her sleep. This morning she had a glassy look to her eyes but she was behaving normally, minus the cough of course. However, as I was helping her get dressed I asked her if she wanted me to take her temperature. Holy cow the stinking thing was 101. Oops. So yeah I took her more seriously and drugged her with ibuprofen. Now all is well. Let’s just hope she is the only one who holds on to this bug.

So This Is Christmas...

Saturday was the day I had promised the girls we would get our tree. Little did I know how warm it would be. So I thought we'd wait until night because then it should be cooler and feel more Christmasie. That theory had more holes than an OJ Simpson defense strategy. And there we were in our shorts and flip flops picking out our Christmas tree. Maybe someday we'll live in Maine and I'll be all, "kids remember that Christmas we picked out our tree and it was 70 degrees?"

We went smaller this year since my pregnant self and two munchkins had to drag it into the house. I was thankful my life wasn't a reality show because trying to get the darn thing to stand up was beyond comical. After wrestling with the tree and the stand for an eternity I decided to take a break. I needed to think through this engineering issue and it seems in this case no help would be beter than the help I was currently receiving.

Anyway it only took a day to get it to stand on its own and then decorate it. My recently turned six year old informed there was no way she was helping with the lights, "I'm an ornament girl only."

Sunday seemed to mock us. We woke up to a decidedly cooler and overcast day. As a matter of fact the little squirt thought it was cold enough to snow. Hmmmm..I don't think so. It was 65 degrees. We'll have to wait for that Christmas in Maine.

You know it's time for maternity pants when....

Completing the Checklist

I am not sure what gave me the idea to take my girls to get their immunizations updated the day before Thanksgiving but it is done and I blame it on placenta brain. I miss the old days where they had no idea what was going to happen and then they would cry for a few minutes. Then we would get home and they would take the best naps. Now they are too smart and they are upset before anyone even steps into the room.

I tried to explain why they needed these shots but it was like I was the teacher on Charlie Brown—wah, wah, wah, wah. Even as I was putting them to bed they felt the need to complain to me and ask the question why? Why did I single them out for this torture? I did have a lot of sympathy for my soon to be six year old who had to get four shots! She also had a slight fever even after being well medicated. The good news—they are done until adolescents. However, next time I think I would rather bathe cats!

Bad news—baby comes in the spring. I get to start the process all over again! Lucky me!

Just when I thought I might have to kill them

I find them in my bed all jammied up and having a moment. The two of them were not fighting for what seems to be the first time in an eternity. Here they were, little sister was reading while big sister was helping with the hard words. It was precious and helps me go to bed thinking…sure I have to do it all again tomorrow but darn it—it is sooooooooo worth it!!

Preggo after 35

My blog has been suffering from my lack of energy due to me being preggers. However, now I am coming to the end of the first trimester and I am starting to come out of the fog. Not sure if it the fatigue was related to the pregnancy or the lack of caffeine. I sure have missed my coffee and what I wouldn’t do for a Starbucks run. Oh well, it’s for a good cause.

Today was actually my second OB appointment and I had decided to take the girls. I had left them with a friend the first appointment because I didn’t feel like explaining a pelvic exam. Good move. However, I forgot that I have a retroverted uterus and therefore I always warrant a pelvic ultrasound until I am 16 weeks since they never find my babies’ heartbeats with a Doppler. So yep, there I am with my girls and immediately I see the bazillion questions that are going to follow over the next several days. (They had already been snickering at all the posters on the walls.) So anyway, it was homeschooling at its best. Me, undressed from the waist down and then the Midwife pulls out the stirrups. You should have seen my girls’ eyes!!! The soon to be six year old kept asking, “Mommy is this torture?” What can I say? I fake my best nothing wrong here and just point to the monitor with the bouncing fetus. As I get ready to get dressed #1 asks, “Mommy can I put my feet in those thingies?” Um no. This has now become my worse nightmare.

Further proof of this is what happened yesterday. I was sampling my 7 year old’s milkshake and she was mortified. She stares at me with disgust and says, “Great! Now I’m going to be pregnant!”

A lot of explaining……

Priority girls

So on Saturday night I was multitasking as usual. While watching college football I decided to update my bank accounts on my computer software. Well I guess in effort to make sure that I’m not playing some fun game or trying to read top secret email, AM1 peers over my shoulder and asks what I was doing. I reply that I was entering all the purchases we have made to see how much money we have in our bank account. She states how terribly boring that sounds and that when she grows up she will NEVER do that.

Fast forward five minutes. She pulls out a sheet of paper and wants me to tell her all the positions that football players play. I thought it would deter her when I told her there were twenty-two but no. Somehow that is not more boring than balancing a checking account. Go figure.

Religious training…not so much

So there was a conversation around the table this afternoon about Adam and Eve. We got into what they did wrong and AM2 chimes in “they ate the Fruits of the Spirit.” Ummmmm. I explain how that is half right but it was actually the forbidden fruit. But that was a nice segway and so I go there, “Do you know what the Fruits of the Spirits are?” (This is a trick question b/c her preschool had talked about it and so I know it was buried there somewhere) Her face becomes elated and she screams, “Oh yes…grapes.” Not exactly. But then she trumps me. She pulls out the scrapbook her teacher made at preschool last year and flips through. Then she finds this sheet of paper that she had stamped all types of fruit onto, apparently when they were talking about the Fruits of Spirit. Dang it if there weren't grapes on that art project! Where do I go from here? Score: 5 year old--1; mom---0

Lunch and a movie

Today seemed like the perfect opportunity to snag a flick since it was cool, windy and rainy. Apparently I wasn’t the only one that thought that. I guess us Southern California parents panic when we can’t ship the kids outside and look for some sort of rescue. Of course my true motive was that the thought of another day with all the neighborhood children in my house could possibly kill me—needed a plan of not being home.

So I broke down. The girls have been asking to see High School Musical 3 and so today was the day. I found it strange that when the movie premiered the girls weren’t interested in being the first to see it. All summer as the stupid thing was being promoted I had visions of us standing in line with a million squealing high school girls. But thank goodness my girls showed patience!

While talking about visions, I had also pictured my girls dancing around the theater singing at the top of their lungs. However, this was not the case. They were completely awestruck and glued to their seats. (Of course there was occasional singing but it was very subdued.) I have to admit that I was very impressed with the show. Maybe it was the fact that my expectations were so low but I was completely amazed at the production numbers and I forgot this is Disney people. They do everything BIG. Right?

Why I need a chauffeur

It has been a long while since I have had such a crazy day as a momager. It started when we left our house by 7am to head to an audition for a commercial. When we get to the casting metropolis someone had the audacity to put on the very first studio room just inside the door these words….MILEY CYRUS. It was some type of casting having to do with her but that isn’t the point. The point is my children lost all focus and getting them to cooperate with anything coming out of my mouth was nearly impossible. Anyway, we somehow survived and made it out of the audition. (minus one peak around for the mega star)

Once outside, the little one is so excited and uncontrollable she decides to start kicking at the kudzu lining the sidewalk. She is running and kicking. She stops and kicks furiously. Then takes off running and then tries to kick again but instead lands face down in the kudzu. I laugh so hard that I almost snort. The guy that passes us on the sidewalk is laughing really hard too. As background info, my daughter does not like to be laughed at. She becomes greatly offended so I’m thinking that she is going to get up in a rage and start chasing me until she can pound her fists into my delicate flesh. However she gets up laughing herself and states casually, “I meant to do that.” Finally maybe she is learning the art of laughing at yourself.

This was not the end of our day. We drove home or to Costco and then home for lunch. I furiously run around packing homeschool work and then pile us back in the car. We have a photo shoot to go to. In an act of mercy, the shoot was only ten miles from my house! This was perhaps the most enjoyable shoot either of my kiddos has ever had. Why? Well first there was fake snow and then there were the free clothes. More specifically the boots were a big hit. The little one got two pairs and she wore a pair on her feet and a pair on her hands all the way home. The big one who didn’t even work somehow scammed some free boots for herself. (She talked the bigger girl model out of one her free pairs. Not sure how she did it.) So right now as the little angels are sleeping in their beds the boots are lying right beside the bed but within arm’s reach. At least I talked them out of sleeping with them on. Score one for mom!

Old Tricks

There are only conversations that can happen when a dad is around. Since my husband rolled into town Friday night things have definitely changed. As we are driving as a family he jokingly asked the girls if they would like to “pull his finger.” The girls don’t know this one and so the five year old says, “only if it clicks.”

Well I can’t let them go through life with such naivety so I said that if an old man wants them to pull his finger they should refuse because it will make him toot. The five year old was fascinated, like it was a cool mechanism how when you are an old man somehow your finger is wired to your backside. I quickly explained the true “mechanism”.

So guess what the popular pastime is around the house. Yep, it is good to have a dad around.

Back to Work

So my little AM 2 had the first audition of us being back into town. We were in the car by 9 am and off to Los Angeles. It has been five months since we’ve made the trek and there were a couple of things that I had forgotten. Those would be things such as… there is always traffic. It doesn’t matter that it is 10:30 am because you and a million of your closest friends are apparently all go to the same place. I also forgot how nerve racking it is driving through Hollywood with the fear of accidentally hitting a car that is worth more than your entire home. I also forgot how parking is a nightmare. Anywhere, anytime because this nightmare is not prejudiced. Lastly, I forgot how much I love L.A.---no I idea why but I do.

Back to the audition. It was in a home/studio in the Hollywood hills area. After fearing for our life on the drive to the top of some crazy hill, I had to help my children climb these horrific stairs up to this home. To boot, some of the stairs were loose and wobbly. I only wish someone were filming us hugging the rail up and down the flight. I’m sure from the street we looked like crazies but hey we made it out alive. The view was incredible but seriously haven’t these people heard of mud slides? That is literally too much living on the edge for me! I included pictures in case you don’t believe me.

The Debate

So I had the TV on last night for the debates. We weren’t sitting in front of it but going about our evening business while it served as background. The girls were a lot more interested in it than I thought they would be and here is their assessments:

The 5 y.o.: He said Beverly Hills.(when Obama mentioned the words “presented a bill”)

The 7 y.o.: Why do you have to vote? Why don’t they just give whoever wants to be President a quiz and whoever does the best or finishes first wins.

Me: Because this is the United States of America and we have the right to choose.

The 7 y.o.: But my way is easier and faster.

My husband called today and asked if I watched the debate. I explained that sort of but that our 7 y.o. was really into it. She got on the phone and told him this: The guy with the white hair kept making funny faces at the other guy. I think the name of the guy with white hair is George Lopez.

By gosh isn’t it crazy that you must be to be 18 years old to vote. I think children would add a whole new dimension to the political process…it might actually be fun too. Imagine if the candidates had to appeal to kids---it would be fun to see John McCain in a Chuck E Cheese, am I right?

Theory

Someday I would one day like to meet the genius who thought up the idea that children should be taught so that their self esteem grows. Not sure if you are catching the sarcasm in my tone but believe me it is there. I understand that there are children in the world who don’t know they are loved or cared about and Mr. Rogers was definitely there for them and had them in thought. Why the attack? Because more often than not this is the typical conversation at my house:

Me: You are so lucky. I hate you.(talking to my 5 yr old. Joking of course and yep my five year old understands sarcasm.)

AM2: (laughing) You do not. You love me.

Me: I do love you. I love you to pieces.

AM2: I know. EVERYONE loves me.

Another example:

AM2: I love being me. Everyone wants to be me.

So do I seriously need to buy into this ego/superego or whatever it is? I think there is enough Humanism/Me”ism” in the world without making another beautiful “witch” that treats all us ordinary people like less thans! Just my theory.

Dinner conversation

Oldest daughter: Mommy, which Jonas brother is the cutest to you?

Me: I don’t really have a favorite. (I’m thinking how I could have given birth to these guys so that is totally ewwww.)

Oldest daughter: I know, I know but if you had to pick one.

Me: Ummm. I guess the middle one.

Oldest daughter: (snickering) You’ll have to talk to AM2(youngest daughter) about that.

Me: Why?

Youngest daughter: (bites into cookie) He’s mine Mommy. Back off

Just a Theory

So my five year old is in the tub last night and I notice this rash on her belly. I start the inquisition of where, when, and how it got there. She pleads that she has no idea but needs something to make it better. Then she states, “I need Pro Active.”

Just to clarify, I don’t own this stuff nor does she know anyone else who does. This is where my theory comes to mind. As a child I always thought that when I wasn’t around or was sleeping that maybe, just maybe my toys came to life. (this was wayyyyy before Toy Story) They would move around and talk about me, etc. I’m sure I am not alone in this fantasy world. Well now that I’m an adult I have moved passed that. However, when I had children another theory emerged. This theory involved my babies sitting up in their cribs and talking. They would talk about how terrible their parents were and how they were going to torture us for the next sixty years. It seems that I may have proof now because apparently I have a five year old who wakes up in the middle night to catch the latest infomercial. I KNEW IT!

A Day at the Museum

I love Tuesdays in San Diego. Why? Because on a rotational basis the museums are free to residents. It has been a very long time since I’ve taken the girls. When they were little we used to go all the time—my successful attempts at wearing them out so they would sleep. However, due to school schedules and being out of town during summers it has been ages since we’ve been. This was a consideration when I wanted to homeschool. I felt like school was kind of getting in the way how my children learn best---the hands on method.

Anyway, it was a great time and I forgot how beautiful Balboa Park is. I love it there and it reminds me of why I love living where I do.

Back to normal???!!!

So I returned to my beloved home on Monday, hurray hurray. My girls are no longer under foot. We all have our own personal space but it isn’t all bliss my friends.
A. Had to leave my husband in Texas.
B. Had no TV channels.
C. Had no internet access.
D. Have no A/C and for some reason it is 3000 degrees here in Southern California

Not sure if you can spot the similarities… but dang it …that sounds a lot like camping! I don’t “do” camping and so this has been very interesting. The good news is that no one has died…i haven’t even had the urge to strangle my kids. This is a large step or maybe we are just still in a honeymoon period. Whatever the reason, I’ll take it.
Finally over the last three days, all the problems except for the first one have been alleviated—so now we are back at status quo.

On Being a Grown Up

Well it seems the Department of Defense has deemed that my husband is worthy of a lot more responsibility. So today they gave him the keys to a ship in which he will be the commanding officer. Am I proud? Absolutely 100 percent but there is a part of me is like, say what? I have known my husband since we were 13/14 years old and that was over twenty years ago. At some point I think I fell asleep and then woke up and it was 2008. Seriously when did this happen? OMG...I have two kids too! In my mind it is still 1986 and Pretty In Pink isn't just a retro movie!

Maybe I'm just freaking because my new title is now COW. (stands for Commanding Officer's Wife) Seriously, I would like to meet the individual responsible for that and slap him around for a while. I know the military likes to abbreviate things but this takes it to a whole new level. It isn't an official title thank heavens but I know exists and those involved...I'm watching you. If you must use an abbreviation may I suggest...SHOW.(Super Hot Officer's Wife)

Back in South Texas

Some things never change. It is still hotter than heck here. I still have to drive a million miles to find something I need. So maybe I should stop there because if you have nothing nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything. THREE MORE DAYS UNTIL WE GO HOME TO CALIFORNIA!!!

Why my children want to live in the country.

Besides the fact that they want a puppy too. Great grandpa gave them a ride through the yard in Alabama. Boy they are really going to have to adjust to city life in a week!

Mommydar (A.K.A. Mommy Radar)

The other night I could hear the kitchen cabinets opening and closing and I looked around. Both girls were missing. So I listened some more…complete silence minus the rustling of paper. I knew they were stuffing their faces full of something they shouldn’t but being the tricky mom I am, I wanted to test the response they would give.

ME: Girls what are you doing?

GIRLS: NOOOOOTHINGGGG. (Which sounded like it was coming from a chipmunk)

ME: Hmmm. Sounds like something to me. Are you lying?

GIRLS: YEEESSSSS.

I would like to take credit for this as if I had instilled values into my girls that they prefer not lying. However, I know that the truth is that they were just scared I was going to get up and verify what was happening. A little fear goes a long way I guess.

Brings a tear to my eye.

The girls and I are currently on a road trip with my mom. Where are we? In no other place than Auburn, Alabama. Home to my Alma Mater and the best darn school evah... Auburn University! I literally drug my girls around everywhere today. AM2 had never been here and AM1 was only 3 the last time she was here. I warned them beforehand since I knew you can't drive on campus during school hours that they were going to have to wear their tennis shoes and it was going to be hard. (It took me 30 minutes for me to get them out of the shower--the heavenly glassed in, rain shower is a huge hit) They did get a little tired but we had a blast. Well maybe just I had a blast but still there was tons for them to see/do/shop for.

One thing has not changed, the friendliness will never die here. As we were returning our luggage cart to the lobby last night, everyone stopped and talked to the girls. AM1 says, "I like this hotel. Everyone here is so nice." I bent down to her level and continued the brainwashing, "That is because you are in Auburn. It is the best place in the world." She scoffed and was probably suppressing the urge to roll her eyes and says, "Not better than heaven though." I scoff and reply, "You have no proof of that." War Eagle

Dinner Conversation

AM2: I have special powers.

ME: Oh. What kind of powers do you have?

AM2: If I squint my eyes like this(squints real hard), it makes the light shine like a diamond. You try it.

ME: (Squinting) Oh I see four streams of light coming off the light bulb.

AM2: See...I told you I had powers. You have powers too because I touched you.

ME: Hmmmm. I always wanted Super Powers.

Texas pays me back for bad mouthing.

So Tuesday my husband took my car in for an oil change and then filled it up with gas. We then packed the car until midnight. Wednesday my husband kissed me and the girls goodbye before heading off to work. Where are we going? We are running from Ike! We voluntarily evacuated the coast of Texas. Fourteen hours later, we arrived at my parents' house in Alabama. (wasn't ready to go home to California)

I felt like a weenie. I was busy running and on the other side of the road I saw the CNN news truck and hundreds of power/electric trucks heading toward the storm area. Maybe I'm not a weenie. Maybe they are crazy or just reluctantly doing their job.(like my husband who has to stay on a ship during the storm)

The girls traveled like champs. We didn't make it in until 2am and they had been asleep for 5 hours! They are really pros I tell you.

Now I somehow have to focus them on schooling and who wants to study at grandma's house? Especially when she lives where they can run freely without having to watch for cars!

So what have the girls done since their arrival? Well they have birthed a puppy and placed it next to the mama to suckle. (see picture)

The tooth caper.

So we spent a few days in San Antonio. We hit Sea World and the Alamo which exhausted all of us.
On the way home we stopped and got something to eat—at a Texas establishment where you throw peanuts on the floor. We ordered the girls’ meals first because they were cranky and tiresome. After they finished eating, our food arrived and of course the girls were wanting to be held or cuddled. (Reason number one why we normally don’t order their food before ours.) Just as I bit into my ribs and were waiting for it to hit my stomach AM1 exclaims, “My tooth! Where did it go?” She frantically looks around and there is a big gap with blood oozing out. There goes my appetite. Now I am a nurse by profession however I was quite bothered by where this missing tooth could be, was it in my beans, ribs or fries? I mean the child was sitting directly across from me!
Well AM2 starts panicking too. She wants her big sister to get the payment she deserves from the tooth fairy. AM2 is my mud loving child. She slings it, she squishes and yes occasionally she eats it. Before I could even get any words out of my mouth, she is on the floor searching for the missing tooth. We are now developing an audience because let’s face it folks, there isn’t much in the way of entertainment in these parts. After a couple of minutes under a dark table AM2 shouts , “I found it. I found the tooth.” She comes up waving the thing and gives it to her sister.
Then AM1 ran to the bathroom to clean out her mouth. Then two seconds later AM2 followed after stating that she was an expert. They emerge. I pull out the camera phone and snap the picture. Then AM2 marvels that her tooth feels a lot like a peanut. Upon further examination, yup it was a peanut. I took her crowning glory picture with a peanut.
So then the search starts again for the tooth b/c AM1 needs to get paid! AM2 scoured the floor and found the tooth and yells loudly so everyone can hear, “ I know this one is the right one. It has blood coming out of it.” The love of a sister I guess.
In case you are curious, the picture is of AM1's peanut.

My Radio Flyer needs to be towed

Treking barefoot through the snow.

Me: Good morning.

My first born: Mommy you look sick. Your face is all red, you don't look so good! But you can still go to Sea World, right?

Me: I'm a mom, what do you think?

My first born: Good.

Ocho Cinco, I must go there.

I have to go there. I have to.

It seems that there is a young NFL star that has legally changed his name from Chad Johnson to Chad Ocho Cinco. He plays for the Cincinnati Bengals and wears you guessed it…number 85! Originally he had placed the name on his jersey 2 years ago in honor of National Hispanic Month and was slapped with a 5k fine. I’m pretty sure he isn’t Hispanic. (I’m just saying.)

Now I have two perspectives on this. First as a mother I think how terrible. His mom spent some time planning and thinking—not necessarily about his last name but still you want it all to sound good when it rolls off the tongue. It was easy and safe, not all NFL stars are so lucky. Oh the horror of what my two girls would pick!

Secondly, I look at this as a person who has always had last names that people could not pronounce. Growing up people always messed it up and it really wasn’t all that difficult. Then I got married. To a Thai man. Apparently he experienced the same problem. My sister in law and husband would pretend to be the Smiths, Jones, and yes by gosh the Johnsons when going out to eat because it was much easier than getting the hostess to even attempt their last name. (A Thai name and people in Alabama with thick southern accents do not mix!) So dude Chad had it easy, smooth sailing at the Cracker Barrel. He is apparently making way too much money and having way too much free time on his hands to dream up something this crazy. I’m sure the publicity doesn’t hurt either. (sigh)

Ocho Cinco, party of four your table is now available.

I lost my filter.

It seems that my beloved youngest daughter is missing something. Yep, she is missing that filter that keeps us from saying exactly what is on our minds. Any thought and any where comes streaming out of her mouth. This isn’t unusual since I think most parents experience at least one child in their family who causes the hairs on their neck to stand up when the take them into the public eye. I’m sure this filter will develop in the next year or two and then life will become boring and hum drum with everyone of us being politically correct and all.

My husband finds this odd and peculiar since our very mature seven year old developed her filter at a very young age. So the other night he asks her if she thinks about things before saying them or just says them. AM2 didn’t really understand the question but she held out her hands and shrugged. It was if she was saying, “What is there to think about?”

Here are some examples of her current ramblings, one of which occurred in a public place and she felt no need to whisper—in fact she doesn’t know how to whisper:
Why did that man come in the restaurant without shoes on?
Good point
Why are those crazy people riding in the back of that truck?
Another good point

A fun pastime of mine is to imagine what it would sound like if I was missing my filter in the same situation she was placed. Here it goes:
Scenario 1: Hey genius, did you lose the only pair of shoes you own? You know it really is unhealthy to walk around without shoes all the time, especially in public places. Just ask the children in Africa. I could perhaps overlook this if we were in an eating establishment on the beach but we aren’t. Also, I find it offensive to look at your gnarly toes while I’m trying to eat.
Scenario 2: Hey rednecks could you please stop riding in the back of trucks? I hate having to re-explain to my children how unsafe it is and how I like their heads exactly where they are…on top of their bodies. I mean thirty years ago this was ok but now with all the research that seat belts do work maybe you should give one a try! (All this being screamed out of my car window of course—that’s not redneck, right?)

It’s time to build a tower.

So the events of this fabulous Labor Day weekend have led me to the conclusion that the whole Rapunzel thing isn’t such a bad idea.

My 7 year old daughter has developed a crush. She has had a few before and they usually pass without much worry. I don’t feed into them and cause a frenzy because hey she is only 7. But this one was disturbing on two levels. First, it was the University of Alabama’s quarterback. It was after the game when the token girl sideline reporter tracked this young fellow down for an interview. My oldest stopped in her tracks and looked longingly at the TV screen asking, “Who’s that mommy?” My stomach churned and I tried to be ignorant of her obvious feelings by saying, “Why honey? He’s from the Univ of Alabama so we don’t really care who he is.” This didn’t deter her at the moment and so I commented that she thought he was cute, she blushed and nodded. If I call her out sometimes that ends her pursuit…what could be worse than your mom knowing your secret, right? She soon realized her error as I finished preparing her for bed. She pined as if she was in a Shakespeare novel, “Why do I always fall for the ones who are famous and I’ll never meet? Or the ones that are part of the enemy?” Oh you poor dear destined for ill fated love. Whatever, kid you are only 7!

The second disturbance was when the news of VP hopeful Sara Palin’s daughter hit the news wire. I was already in the state of you are way too young for---fill in the blank. Now I have to wrap my mind around the fact that eventually I will be a mom to two teenage girls with all the drama and mayhem that accompanies it. (I used to be a teenage girl myself) My husband says he plans to stay deployed until they are in college and so I may have to endure those years alone. That leaves me to start making my plan and since I often prefer avoidance rather than confrontation, I am going visit Home Depot or Lowe’s and start stocking up on large cinder blocks.

Weekend shopping spree...Happy Labor Day

Did anyone call for an exterminator?

Tonight was an eating out night. The husband was home in time for dinner…the first week night in a month and by sheer coincidence there wasn’t a thing I could feed him! Being in Texas we often opt for BBQ since I crave it while in Cali and there isn’t any place we have found yet that can match southern or TX BBQ. (I am from Alabama…Dreamland, Jim N Nicks or Costas anyone???) In the car we pile and off to the local BBQ dive that has all the animal heads on the wall! Yum yum.

About half way through dinner I swear I feel something furry graze the back of my heel. My initial thought was…boy they have some large rats in this joint! But then I rationalized and thought…hmmm the husband wants to play footsy. The dead carcasses on the wall must be putting him in the mood. I make a nonchalant half glance under the table to see where everyone’s legs are. Nothing doing because everyone’s legs were where they were supposed to be and there was nothing noticeable in my scope. The furriness was gone so I figure that it must have been a cool breeze maybe created by the emergency exit beside me.

No sooner had this thought crossed my mind that I felt it again and now it was going from my heel to around the top part of my foot. I quickly glance under the table…I’m going to catch it this time! Holy crap! It was no furry rat or gentle breeze. Oh no it was muuuuch better, it was a palmetto bug (American cockroach)! I start shaking my foot and eewwwing and I’m sure it looked like I was having some sort of episodic fit. My husband’s face turns all crooked as if he was saying come on woman you ordered the iced tea not a Long Island Ice Tea. I was doing my best not to scream and explain in a calm voice what I was doing. This of course meant that the children, I mean squealy grossed out girls heard what I was saying. Curiosity got the best of them and they had to peak under the table to see what I had shook off. They caught a glimpse of this thing and then proceeded to run around the table yelling, “Bug, bug, BIIIGGG Bug!”

Now my reaction then was to shush them. I didn’t want to make a scene and cause problems for this place of business. So I got them quiet and they hunkered down in a corner, far away from the critter. I placed my feet very ladylike in their empty chairs and finished my meal. No reason to worry folks unnecessarily.

Not until I got home did I start thinking that it probably didn’t matter if we had pointed out the obvious roach issue. I mean for goodness sakes, we were eating under an outstretched cow skin! Texans are used to big bugs and big everything for that matter. We wouldn’t have hurt business in the least. Instead, we would have become the talk of the town…honey remember when those “faureigners” who were at the Pit and had a conniption fit over that itty bitty roach? Whatever Texas, you can keep your bugs and mosquitoes for that matter! I can’t wait to head for the Hills!

Wordless Wednesday

Thank you notes need a little procrastination

Not sure if I should tell my seven year old the art of writing thank you notes. You see, she was on the phone with her BFF in California (we’re still visiting TX) and her friend wrote a song. She sung it for AM2 and then said she was going to put it on a CD and mail it. AM2 thought it was a beautiful song and she checks the mail everyday for the CD. Shortly after she had hung up she began tearing through the apartment looking for her special notebook and pencil. Then she furiously wrote, wrote and wrote. Next she asked me for an envelope. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked, “What and to whom are you writing?” She then explained that she had written a thank you note for her friend and it is ready to go when she receives the CD.

Hmmmm. Wish I had that foresight. Instead, I take at least 6-8 months after I receive a gift to write my thank you. Then it gets stuffed in a drawer in which 1-2 years later I find the thank you note…usually unaddressed since the reason I stuck it in the drawer was because I couldn’t find the person’s address. Then of course there is the elusive stamp issue… Hence a lot of times that thank you note becomes an “it’s the thought that counts” casualty.

I need to inform her that she can drop her seven year old Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and relax a little. No need to hurry because she has at least two years before her Thank You Statute of Limitations expires! (The OCD is from her father’s side of course.)

Quality time, Daddy style

Back at the end of AM2’s school year at her precious little Christian Elementary School she had to make a book for her dad in anticipation of Father’s Day. On the page where it said, “my dad likes…,.” She wrote “to sleep.” Unfortunately that is what she sees from her little seven year old eyes. However, what she doesn’t see is the 12-24 hours a day that he works in his service for his country. He doesn’t complain about it, which is strange since he complains about almost everything else. So that brings us to this past weekend. He had worked around the astounding number of 80 hrs this week which means, you guess it he was tired. Couple that with children who weren’t feeling 100% normal and that left me somewhere between being a referee and a paramedic.

In the picture she laid beside him, pulled up her shirt a little and closed her eyes. She then said, "Mommy take a picture."

Post from my At&t Tilt

Test blog from my phone. This will be cool if it works.

You know you live in cramped quarters when….

As we took a walk through the neighborhood in the rain, we walked by a house that was for sale. On the sign was an annoying extra sign saying 4 BEDROOMS. My seven year old stops splashing in the puddle beside the sign and turns to look at me. She says, “Look. THIS HOUSE HAS FOUR BEDROOMS!” She pauses with wonderment in her eyes. Since I don’t say anything she says, “We would all have our own room. And if you and Daddy still wanted to share… we could have a PLAYROOM!” Still hare, still share, of course you silly girl. I haven’t hit menopause yet!

The walk in the rain was a lot of fun. I no longer enjoy trampling through puddles but watching my girl brought back a lot of memories of when I did. :))))

It was so close to perfect

Last week the most awesome thing happened to me. I was checking out from the grocery store with a bottle of wine and I got carded! Now this hasn't happened in years. The grocery store back home in CA never cards me...I guess they see my school aged children and assume that I am of age. Here in Texas, it ain't really a "sure thing." Anyway, the cashier was all, "Can I see some ID." And I was all, "YOU SURE CAN." So I pull that sucker out like it was a winning lottery ticket. Then things kind of take a bizarre turn. She's all, "Ma'am that's an out of state license I'm going to have to get a manager." Wuh huh? This completely deflated the scenario I had pictured in my mind. She was supposed to be all, "My bad ma'am I see you are 35 but you certainly don't look it." Meanwhile the reality was that I was stuck in the "Express" lane while Bob the 22 year old manager took down my name, DOB, and I think preference of salad dressing. Come on Bob...help a SAHM live the dream just once!

Perfect parents avert your eyes

It has come to my attention that our greatest source of entertainment is our children. Sure we can find humor and joy in other things like TV, movies, or tormenting customer service reps but nothing is the same as having two naïve children to come up with the craziest stuff.

Case in point. The hardest laugh I had all summer was a ranting or meltdown courtesy of our oldest daughter. It was bedtime and she wanted to take a tenth trip to the bathroom. I told her no and continued with the nightly routine. She then missed her turn in the nightly prayer which turned her ranting into an ear piercing screaming session. However, I was going to stick to my guns and not give in. So I turned out the lights and headed to bed myself to join my husband. This is the conversation we could hear from our bed:

AM1: Please, please let me go to the bathroom. I really need to go. You are not being fair. Why? Why? Why? Why won’t you let me go? Etc etc etc

AM2: (In her best supportive role) I don’t know why they won’t let you go. They are so unfair.

AM1: (still in hysterics) Why won’t they answer me? All I have to do is go to the bathroom.

This continues for twenty minutes…hysterics and then the calming voice of a 5 year old. My husband and I were enjoying this way too much. We got to hear what was going on in their minds as they try to figure out what we as parents could possibly be doing since we weren't catering to their demands. I've always wanted to be a fly on the wall in this situation and it was awesome. Of course we were asking ourselves if we should be intervening but the resounding answer was noway! We wanted to see how it turned out.

Then:

AM1: I think I hear them laughing. I don’t understand. All I needed to do was go to the bathroom.

AM2: I know honey. They are just mean. Just mean!

This continues for another 10 minutes. Poor little AM2 was totally out of comforting words. You could tell she was being worn down. Mean while we were still sticking to our guns. So:

AM1: MOOOOMMMMMYYYY, CAN I PLEASE GO TO THE BATHROOM?

AM 2: (tries to throw her voice while lowering it to mimic mine) Sure honey, this is mommy. You can go to the bathroom.

What was she thinking? Now that is entertainment!

Back to the grind

So it has been week since we have done any of the homeschool stuff. Since we spent most of the last week out of town, I didn't want to schlep everything with us and I knew it would be pointless since the girls would have too many distractions to concentrate.
Getting back in the swing of things was harder than I thought it would be. Luckily the girls didn't forget everything they were taught but they just had to be corralled into doing everything, it was like pulling teeth! Now I'm thinking that tutoring thing that the celebrities do isn't so bad. I mean you get the benefit of homeschooling without the headache, right? Hmmmmmm
AM 2 has taken to the idea of stalking US gymnasts. Each girl has adopted a US female gymnast as "her girl." Well AM2 has taken a liking to Nastia Liukin and found out she lives in Texas. She asked, "she lives in TX, so I can go visit her right?" Um yeah, if you want her to call the police honey. Ahhh, if only life were that simple.

Food snobs

It has come to my attention that my husband and I are raising two food snobs.(the apple doesn't fall far from the tree) When we yell to the back seat, "girls what would you like to eat?" It isn't usually a fast food joint. The two will never be called a "cheap date." Instead we get, "the lobster place or Dim Sum." However, for the last two weeks it has been that they have wanted the, "Japanese place that cooks in front of you." So since is the first day my husband has had off in two weeks we head to one of the two Hibachi grills in Corpus Christi.
Upon arrival we are asked for our reservation. Reservation???? Oh heavens, the crazy Californians drove for forty minutes to a restaurant that needed a reservation! In SoCal as a party of four we have never had to make a reservation. You just show up. So in my feeble mindedness, I'm thinking this is the middle of nowhere. The weekend before school starts. Tax free weekend in Texas. Everyone should be at the mall. Apparently I was mistaken. Now I had to explain to a 5 and 7 year old that we can't eat here. They were not happy but we promised to try the only other place in town.
Upon arrival at restaurant #2 there was no reservation needed(it soon becomes apparent why) and we were seated immediately(never a good sign). The very white, non-Asian looking waitress takes our order. No problem, I think to myself since about 50% of the time they aren't Asian. However, we knew we were in trouble when our "chef" came out and said, "how ya'll this evening." I quickly look at my children and their eyes said it all. I imagine the dialog in their heads had them rationalizing that this was just the guy who turns on the grill. No such luck. After a few minutes, the oldest couldn't help herself. She leaned over and said, "he's not even Japanese!"
It was by far not our best meal but we managed to choke it down. My husband complains quietly in my ear the entire time and the girls enjoyed the "shows" at the other tables since ours was very lackadaisical. (The 7 yo states that the other chefs are more Japanese-- as if it comes in varying degrees and ours just didn't possess any of the characteristics that makes a person Japanese) The complaining by my husband continues in my ear all the way out the door. Then outside the door it becomes audible to everyone. To this my seven year old retorts: "I've had better but what do you expect. He's not even Asian."
And so they are introduced into how hard it is to be a food snob. Good food is not easily found and when you are new to a town, you must weed all the bad ones out. However, when you find that gem in the rough it is a sweet treasure you hold onto tightly. My husband and I have always enjoyed excellent food and so it is with great pride that I get to welcome the girls to our Food World! The good, the bad and sometimes delectable.